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Posts Tagged ‘magglio ordonez’

Paul SchrieberThe man you see here to the right is Mr. Paul Schrieber. Family man. Lover. Sinner. Doer of things he should have done a long time ago. And a one-time transgressor of Notinaslump Ordoñez.

After calling out Tilde on strikes in the seventh inning, Mr. Schrieber forgot the cardinal rule: Touch Tilde Unlesseth Commanded To Touch. (For those interested, this is dogma derived from the Church Of Sexing Mutombo.) This touching, in turn, caused Jim Leyland to scream the tar out of his lungs, resulting in an ejection.

Well, before the Tilde Prophets could write letters excommunicating him from our upcoming picnic, Schrieber confessed his sins to the pertinent deity: “I should not have placed my hand on him. For doing so, I apologize to both Magglio Ordoñez and the Detroit Tigers.”

I have no idea how the game ended. In actuality the game ended the minute religious crimes were inflicted.

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So, things are generally going well right now, no?

When we last spoke, right before the Yankees series, things were looking up as well. Then a couple of unspeakable seventh innings occured and things looked meh once again. However, over the last ten games, the Tigers are 6-4 and are currently sitting in first place at 17-13.  For twenty-six innings against the Indians, the Tigers allowed only ONE solitary run to score. And only three altogether after Fernando’s rough ninth inning.  Also, Friday night, this happened:

Curtis Makes Me Need To Change My Pants - Chuck Crow/AP

Curtis Makes Me Need To Change My Pants - Chuck Crow/AP

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I was at Nationals Park for Opening Day with a couple of fellow Tigers fans on Monday and we spent a good portion of the first three innings paying attention to the Tigers/White Sox box score rather than the ballgame in front of us. It didn’t help that it was the Nationals playing before our eyes, I suppose. (Poor Nats – we know 0-7 all too well) I will never understand the stranglehold that Ozzie Guillen’s crew seems to have over our boys. Every single one of them turn into All-Stars when they play the Tigers. Zach Miner, as is he is wont to do, pitched a million times worse at home than he did on the road. But, hey! At least the boys are still .500! And we all know that .500 will be good enough to hang around in the Central for a very long time this season. (ASSUME this is true at least)

So, today, there I was at my desk all ready for Dreamboat Rick Porcello to guide me through my afternoon. And then came the rain. It was raining here in DC all day too. I curse the rain for taking away the Dreamboats certain no-hitter this afternoon. I curse the rain for taking away the 4-5 day the Big Tilde had in store – including his first homer of the season! Big things were afoot at the Copa K today, friends. Alas, they must await til Wendesday afternoon. The Little Cat will bring joy back to a muddy Tigerville and the D will return to first place. AND NEVER LET IT GO.

Your Tilde Watch 2009 as of Tuesday, April 13th:

.276/.276/.417 0 HR 3 RBI.

It’s a slow start, but you know what’s coming….

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Did you think it was possible that the Tigers could score five runs off of Roy Halladay and still manage to get their ass kicked? Of course you did! It helps when this guy is your starting pitcher:

Rogers Centre crowd watches Justin Verlander warm-up before the game

Rogers Centre crowd watches Justin Verlander warm-up before the game

The Big Tilde went 2/4 with a run scored, the Son of Grander went yard and so did Brandon Inge. The bats weren’t bad tonight at all considering they were facing one of the best starters in the league. Team Venezuela had a strong regular season debut in the middle of the lineup, and the Tiggers need that kind of production this year if they’re going to have a shot at winning the Central. Really, all that’s inexcusable is giving up 12 runs to the Blue Jays.

Edwin Jackson makes his regular season debut for the Tigers tomorrow. Here’s to a better result this time tomorrow.

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