Archive for the ‘whaddya want for not hitting? rubber biscuit?’ Category

Last year, the Tigers infield was a little, um, shakey defensively. After undergoing about 15 different infield alignments in 2008, the Tigers managed to make a few moves that should, baseball gods willing, solidify the fielding situation. Especially on the left side of the field. So, join me if you will, as we run through the Friends of the Big Tilde who play along the basepath… (more…)


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(As promised.)

Hey, aren’t we about due for one of those articles that emphasizes internal strife and lays blame like one of those spitting sprinklers?

Yep.  Sure are.

Feel free to jump in anywhere to hear about how Miguel Cabrera is a huge fatass and Dontrelle Willis is damaged goods and Gary Sheffield is dead weight and The Big Tilde himself isn’t super clutch because he made a bunch of outs in one game.  (By the way: .307/.373/.482, which is an awful lot like what he did in 2006.)

Jim Leyland will talk to Dave Dombrowski and there will be players-only team meetings and socks will rise and fall and someone will eat a live rat and then there will be a four-game winning streak and it’ll be live rats all ’round.

Or we can all take a deep breath and listen to Fatass:

“It’s about winning games. … When you win games, everything’s good. Right now, everything looks bad because we’re losing.”

Deep breaths.  No panic.  No rending of clothes.  It’ll take some effort, but it’s not exactly impossible to slip back into the AL Central race.  There will be winning and there will be winning soon.  Don’t make me break this out again:

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“Man, those boys can’t hit the broad side of a barn tonight. What on Earth is goin’ on out there? Grumble grumble kerfuffle fudge.”

Lloyd McClendon shrugged. “Dunno, Mr. Leyland, sir. I thought we fixed that in Yankee Stadium. We get to Minneapolis and all the life’s taken out of the offense. You don’t think our boys are allergic to all that plastic, do you?”

Mr. Leyland shook his head and popped another Nicotine gum into a nearly-full cheek. “Damned if I know.”

Son of Grander nearly skipped by both men on his way to the on-deck circle, stopping only long enough to say, “Thanks again, Mr. Leyland, sir!” and waving his bat at the manager.

“Wait, what? Wa… get back here, you consarnded lilly-livered liposuction… what do you mean by that?”

Son of Grander bounced back to Mr. Leyland. “Thanks for the bats, Mr. Leyland, sir! They were a lovely gift!”

“I… what?”


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Eek! Ball!

…left the Tigers to lose.

When I was in the first grade, I had a huge crush on Katie. She was a little blonde fair-skinned lass whose greatest quality was that she knew I existed. Unfortunately, she also had an especially keen mean streak, even for a six-year-old.

The best example of her cruel intentions could be found on the teeter-totter. We would try our level best to sit perfectly still and balance the teeter-totter longer than anyone else. All of us in the first grade tried it at one point or another, really. You’d let your legs dangle limply, doing your best not to twitch or breathe too heavily.

Katie wasn’t so good at this game, though. She’d lull you into a false sense of security with her porcelain smile and her twinkling blue eyes. Then, just when you were reaching a meditative state quite unheard of for first graders, her patience would give out and she’d either jam her feet into the ground like piledrivers or fling them up into the air. You’d lurch out of your dreamlike state just in time to smash to the ground or bounce out of the seat midair and then succumb to gravity’s charms with painful results.

The Tigers have subscribed to Katie’s game theory recently. Last night, Jeremy Bonderman and Zach Miner heeded the call and only gave up three runs throughout, only to watch the bats go limper than if they had been slammed into the ground by Katie’s mechanical whim. They lost 3-1 as home runs by Alex Cintron and Josh Fields were far more than the Tigers could muster on offense.

The Big Tilde managed a single hit to left in the bottom of the sixth, but it wasn’t enough. Wins by the Indians and Yankees put the Tigers back 7 games in the AL Central and 3 games in their wild card aspirations.

The Big Tilde’s day: 1-4
Season to date: .354/.426/.590, 26 HR, 120 RBI

(Duane Burleson took that there still picture for AP Photo.)

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