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Archive for May, 2009

What a wild freaking week that was.

The Metrodome was every bit the house of horrors that we feared it would be. At least the Tigers were in position to win that series, it’s just that the Tigers bullpen decided to take a few minutes to be the Tigers bullpen. D-Train made his less-than-triumphant return, but it wasn’t as awful as we feared it would be. The Train threw strikes, got hit a good bit, didn’t make it five, but will live to fight another day. So, just as quickly as the Tigers dispatched the Indians via a road sweep, they were, in turn, swept by the Twins. And then the Tigers went home…

And proceeded to break out the beating sticks and teed off on Athletics pitching. Sweep – Get Swept – Sweep again. It’s a recipe for .500, and we’ve gotta do better than that folks. Thankfully, the rest of the AL Central is playing meh-level ball as well and our heroes find themselves in first place on this glorious Monday off. Best of all – The Big Tilde is heating up.  TBT went 8/25 last week with 5 RBI and got his average back up to .256.

Unfortunately, our titular hero is going to be taking some time off this week to be with the Lady Tilde while she has surgery. Best wishes to the Ordonez family this week.

The Rangers are in town starting tomorrow night – D-Train makes his home debut, y’all!

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Paul SchrieberThe man you see here to the right is Mr. Paul Schrieber. Family man. Lover. Sinner. Doer of things he should have done a long time ago. And a one-time transgressor of Notinaslump Ordoñez.

After calling out Tilde on strikes in the seventh inning, Mr. Schrieber forgot the cardinal rule: Touch Tilde Unlesseth Commanded To Touch. (For those interested, this is dogma derived from the Church Of Sexing Mutombo.) This touching, in turn, caused Jim Leyland to scream the tar out of his lungs, resulting in an ejection.

Well, before the Tilde Prophets could write letters excommunicating him from our upcoming picnic, Schrieber confessed his sins to the pertinent deity: “I should not have placed my hand on him. For doing so, I apologize to both Magglio Ordoñez and the Detroit Tigers.”

I have no idea how the game ended. In actuality the game ended the minute religious crimes were inflicted.

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So, things are generally going well right now, no?

When we last spoke, right before the Yankees series, things were looking up as well. Then a couple of unspeakable seventh innings occured and things looked meh once again. However, over the last ten games, the Tigers are 6-4 and are currently sitting in first place at 17-13.  For twenty-six innings against the Indians, the Tigers allowed only ONE solitary run to score. And only three altogether after Fernando’s rough ninth inning.  Also, Friday night, this happened:

Curtis Makes Me Need To Change My Pants - Chuck Crow/AP

Curtis Makes Me Need To Change My Pants - Chuck Crow/AP

(more…)

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