A third-year French student trying to impress a random buxom young co-ed at a frat party will often break out some obscure bit of the language with an unnecessary flourish of his accent. He’ll start by mentioning that he did a study abroad semester in Paris.
Of course, by ‘Paris’ he means ’45 km from Paris’ and by ‘study abroad’ he means ‘did a lot of pot and hung out with all the other study abroad students, barely speaking a word of French the whole trip’.
Still, if she’s already shown a mild interest in him by twisting her flimsy blouse a bit, wiggling her finger at him, or making accidental eye contact, he knows he can break out the litmus test that will tell him to use one roofie or two in her Natty Light.
“Did you know,” he leers, “what the French call an orgasm?”
“No,” she’ll giggle. (She’s always giggling.)
“La petite mort. Do you know what that means?” She doesn’t, of course. He only asks to assert his mental superiority by making her admit her ignorance.
He leans in close in a conspiratorial manner. She leans in to hear his whisper. This helps him see down her blouse so he can prepare for a front clasp or a back hook. “It means, ‘the little death’. You see, Bridget, the French think you die a little every time you orgasm. That’s why your face looks like that when you… you know.”
Hand goes down on thigh; blushing (from booze and guilt) commences; deal is done. If she doesn’t find that impressive, move on to a more impressionable subject until you settle for the one that thinks France is near Russia. After all, Napoleon seemed to share this opinion and he got laid a lot, too.
Tonight, Timo Perez made another bid to become Los Tilde Pequeño with a two-run single in the sixth to deliver another little death to the fading Twins and put Tigers up for good, leading to the 4-2 final margin. He had three total RBIs on three hits. A win by the Indians and a win by the Yankees leave the Tigers 3.5 games out of the AL wild card spot and mumble mumble games out of the AL Central lead.
Still, the Very Large and Original Tilde is the only MVP candidate in this Tigers organization. Let’s peek at Los Tilde Grande’s night, shall we?
The Big Tilde’s day: 1-4
Season to date: .357/.428/.593, 27 HR, 132 RBI