Welcome to The Big Tilde, where we celebrate the antics of the Venezuelan Hercules, the Fabio of Right Field, the Caracas Crusher … the mashing, bashing, and dashing Magglio Ordóñez. Mostly, we exist here to acknowledge his accomplishments on and off the field this year. We wish to remind the voters for the 2007 American League MVP about his radiant nature and keep them true to their mission of voting for the biggest badass in all the Junior Circuit.
As documented all over this fine Internet we call “the place we hide from reality”, May 27th, 2007 shall live in infamy as the day Ordóñez was reborn as The Big Tilde. His wavy black hair nearly hovers over his massive frame as he jogs the bases after another blast, much as the tilde in his last name undulates in celebration as he steps to the plate.
Therefore, we will document his daily exploits in this li’l one-sheet rag we call TheBigTilde.com and expand on the sociological, historical, and lyrical aspects of his badassery through the end of this season until he hoists the MVP trophy in one meaty hand and the World Series trophy in the other as he rides in an open-air Ford Thunderbird down Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit in October.
Or, you know, whenever.