The much-discussed lineup shakeup by manager Jim Leyland was carefully unveiled today underneath a pristine satin sheet. [whoosh] So … that’s weird. His Tildeness was batting DH, with n00b Matt Joyce playing in right. Gary Sheffield, dropped down to sixth, was roving in left while Jacque Jones goes on a top secret assignment mission type scheme in Toledo. Ivan the Stout batted ninth for the first time in 16 years.
Edgar Renteria played shortstop and batted eighth, but only after the umpire quashed Leyland’s idea of having that position be fielded by Ramon Santiago standing on Ryan Raburn’s shoulders.
And it worked for all of three runs. The 6-3 loss puts the Tiger Uppercuts on a four-game losing streak. Tilde? He went 0-for-4 with a walk and a double play grounder. The big shot came from River Thames in a two-out bases loaded pinch-hit situation, because Joyce was due to bat, and this was no time for a kid in his debut to do what men do.
David Ortiz hit an insurance home run off Todd Jones in the ninth. Even though it was a meaningless home run, Francisco Cruceta’s timetable to become the new closer was bumped up a year, to 2013.
Tuesday: Nate, Son of Robert, is in the precocious, precarious and precipitous position of ending the losing streak. Meanwhile, the lineup will face Tim Wakefield. But which lineup, you ask? Well, we’ve obtained a copy:
Laugh now, but Matlock friggin’ owns the knuckler.
It’s not the worst idea in the world to rest the Tilde’s knees in a long season. Next time, though, let’s leave the fridge logic to the experts, eh? We have better magnets.
Whaddya gonna do? Buy a futon?
‘Cause I know a guy.
Don’t try to sell it to Jacque Jones. He doesn’t need any more furniture to move.
stop losing you losers!!
I’ll be there tonight, so seriously. Stop. It’s wreaking havoc on my liver.
The losing stopped (originally) when I suggested that Jim Leyland start putting his cigarettes out on Jacque Jones. While this led to Tigers victories, it also led to the demise of that secret Frenchman, Mr. Jones.
New Suggestion: Mr. Leyland, sir, start putting your cigarettes out on Zach Miner.
I always had trouble playing I base.
But the real question here is which naked coach is Kitna going to dress up as next?
the lineup needs more Warren Morris.
maybe Nate Cornejo can pitch too.
as long as they are playing like it’s 2003…
also I like how the related post to this one is “timo perez?” Is Leyland trying to tell us something?
Holy f*ckballs, I remember when Timo Perez batted third that one time. Yes, that was more insane, namely for the reason that it actually had a positive effect.