Archive for May, 2008

Ah, nothing like a little roster movement to break up the day…

Earlier this week, Toledo Super Slugger Jeff Larish (not to be confused with Toledo Home Run King Mike Hessman) joined the Tiggers when Sheff re-joined the list of the elderly and infirmed. But today, we bring you more roster changes…

Matt Joyce Needs A Nickname no longer Needs A Nickname for the time being. Joyce was sent down back down to Toledo today after a week of struggles at the plate. And what handsome fella is taking his place?

Why…no…it can’t be!!!


The Slack Jawed One comes back to the Motor City for the first time since the return of the Son of Grander. Clete hit .295 in 18 games for the Tigers earlier this year, but he hasn’t exactly been tearing it up in the Glass City, hitting .242 with 5 homers and 20 RBI.

We at the Big Tilde fully expect Clete to be greeted as a liberator in Detroit and expect him to be the sparkplug for a 15-5 stretch. MINIMUM.

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Remember Highlights Magazine? Good, this’ll make the reference a lot easier to get through.

Consider the following paragraph:

Detroit Tigers starter Armando Galarraga took a shutout into the ninth inning against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, only to give up a 2-run home run to Maicer Izturis. Todd Jones then entered the game and retired the next two batters in order to close the game. The Tigers won 6-2 and improve to 22-31, one game ahead of the Royals.

Now count how many things are wrong with it. In case you don’t understand how this works, we’ll point out a sample error in the paragraph:

Todd Jones’ mustache is wearing polka-dot swim trunks.

Now you find the rest!

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Well, we aren’t quite as organized as those who organized the Deadspin Midwest Pants Party, but we are Tiger fans so you should know better than to have expectations of us by now. So, let’s get on with the details:

Who: Friends of the Tilde and Deadspin commenters who want to travel to Detroit for some strange reason

What: A drunken (if that’s your thing) mob of internet nerds wandering around the Copa with SRO tickets

When: Saturday, July 12th, 3:30pm-ish

Where: Comerica Park

Why: Because The Big Tilde loves you.

So, those are the basics. We’ve already got a crowd of at least a dozen or so ready to show up and we’d love to have more of you. If you have any questions, you can reach me at deadonblog at gmail dot com and I’d be happy to answer your questions to the best of my ability. Also, if you like the Facebook, we’ve got a group here.

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No, he can’t.

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Memorial Tilde Weekend

Hey! Remember the last time the Tigers swept a series and we were all happy and bubbly aboot it? (that’s right, aboot) Well, this week’s performance against the Mariners was a super(market) sweep that we all enjoyed. The Big Tilde brought some folks in, so did Grandy, Sheff got some hits, and Matt Joyce Needs A Nickname. HOWEVA, the Tiggers didn’t see King Felix or Bedard so let’s not slap the backs too hard just yet. The last sweep of the Yankees was followed up by getting swept by the Twins…and who is that coming to town, now? Why? It’s the MINNESOTA TWINS. Little Cat tonight, Nasty Nate on Saturday, and JV on Sunday – we put our faith in you.

It’s a long weekend so we probably won’t be around, but the four or five of you shouldn’t worry too much. We’ll see you Tuesday morning with the happy (please?) recap. Be safe and know this…

It was one year ago Sunday that the idea of “The Big Tilde” was born.

Also, Big Tilde Pants Party at the Copa on July 12th. Details will follow.

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Pitchin’ Switchin’

Welcome back Dontrelle Willis. I totally forgot you were even on the Detroit Tigers.

The fear was that The Non-Non-Hodgkins Cat Armando Galarraga was going to be sent down to make room for Locomotive Breath, but instead they took out a pistol and shot Clay Rapada in the shoulder and dragged him to the DL. Hey, whatever works.

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Let’s get this out of the way…Jim Leyland is a ****** grown man, Jim Leyland is 40!

As always, a Leyland rant leads to a quality performance. The Tiggers exploded last night thanks in no small part to Bizarro Rentaria going 4-4 with 5 RBI. The Big Tilde went yard, so did Granderson (3 RBI!), and Justin Verlander pitched well again and with run support finally. Good times in the Copa until the bullpen came in to make it scary. Seriously guys, stop doing that.

Blowing up about Jason Grilli is always awesome.

No more horseshit.

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It’s obvious now that this can’t be a one-day intervention.  Consider this week your Reaffirmation of Faith.

The Tigers invite the Mariners into The Den today.  There will be no false guarantees of sweeps or wins or even sequential hits.  Those are false attempts at bravado.  That’s not how the Tilde works.  Instead, we’ll spend the week looking at why we believe.

Today: the facts.  (After all, they’re the least important part about faith.  Let’s get them out of the way fast.)

First, Jason Grilli finds a shiv that has just the perfect weight to it as we continue to fight Oops I Crapped My Tigers pieces trickling down into the national media’s pant leg.  Today’s turn comes from USA Today.

Tell us why the Tigers blow this year, Jason, and be careful not to mention your own name because you did so well in your nine-game stint this season:

“It seems like they kind of broke up our team chemistry when they got rid of Sean Casey and good people like that,” says Grilli, now with the Colorado Rockies. “You wanted guys like that around. You wanted a guy like Inge playing behind you, knowing he would go through a brick wall.

“Talent-wise on paper, that is one of the greatest teams assembled, but the atmosphere was stale and stagnant. You kept losing, losing and losing, and everybody became distant. I have good friends over there, and I feel badly for them.”

Yes, and Sean Casey has carried the Yankees to a 20-24 record this season.  Well put, young man.  Perhaps your father has an opinion on this that he could share with Mr. Sussman.

Now back to our regularly scheduled exploration of faith:


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(As promised.)

Hey, aren’t we about due for one of those articles that emphasizes internal strife and lays blame like one of those spitting sprinklers?

Yep.  Sure are.

Feel free to jump in anywhere to hear about how Miguel Cabrera is a huge fatass and Dontrelle Willis is damaged goods and Gary Sheffield is dead weight and The Big Tilde himself isn’t super clutch because he made a bunch of outs in one game.  (By the way: .307/.373/.482, which is an awful lot like what he did in 2006.)

Jim Leyland will talk to Dave Dombrowski and there will be players-only team meetings and socks will rise and fall and someone will eat a live rat and then there will be a four-game winning streak and it’ll be live rats all ’round.

Or we can all take a deep breath and listen to Fatass:

“It’s about winning games. … When you win games, everything’s good. Right now, everything looks bad because we’re losing.”

Deep breaths.  No panic.  No rending of clothes.  It’ll take some effort, but it’s not exactly impossible to slip back into the AL Central race.  There will be winning and there will be winning soon.  Don’t make me break this out again:

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Six games out of first
I didn’t need the pain
One or two was enough
Where is the D-Train?
The hits pile right up
Before you know it you’re losing

Then something happens
Everytime Kenny pitches to you
The ball hits the ground
Because the gloves aren’t true
I stand here on the mound
Driving all the fans crazy

But I don’t care what they say
Rapada’s beard makes him look like a douche
And if you hit to left
Sheff’s throwing arm can’t move
My team’s crippled by the fact
That Todd Jones is still closing
You call the bullpen and we (more…)

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